4 Jobs I Wish I Could Apply For

Because some careers don't get started with a cover letter and a resume.

1. Jedi -There is no doubt in my mind that this would be the greatest job in the galaxy.

I used to think this was a career option available to anyone willing to listen to the Force. Then midichlorians came along and shattered those dreams.

2. Queen - I've said it once, and I'll keep saying until it happens: I would make a wonderful queen.
               
Ability to boss large quantities of people? Check. Desire to keep people from making poor decisions? Check. Ability to work the room while plotting the downfall of my enemies. Checkmate.

3. Magical Nanny - A bottomless carpet bag, spoonfuls of sugar, hanging out with penguins, and that umbrella! Sounds practically perfect in every way. Truth be told, I don't know which is more exciting; the accessories that come with this job or the chance to sing and dance with Dick van Dyke.

4. Full House Touching Moment Sound Editor - I don't know much about the sound editing business, but I'm sure this was a coveted job title in the early 90's. Sitting in a dark room, waiting for the right dad eye look from Bob Saget - what could bring you more satisfaction than hearing the gentle trickle of an electric keyboard slowly making its way into the most touching scene of the episode, letting audiences know it's ok to feel right now? With Fuller House getting ready to make its Netflix debut, this dream job could actually become a reality...

5 Things I'd Rather Do On A Golf Course Than Golf

Let's face it, golf courses are a giant waste of space. These wonderfully landscaped fields are only serving the needs of one portion of the population. The game of golf itself has been a source of stressful days, bad sunburns, and boring business deals for hundreds of years. It is time to claim these wide open spaces for more than a singular use. I therefore present the 5 things I'd rather do on a golf course than golf.

1. Go on a Picnic - I have yet to find a park as neatly kept as a golf course. Nicely manicured lawns, big shade trees, and the soft sound of a water fountain in the distance create the perfect atmosphere for an afternoon picnic. It is easy to find a flat surface to keep your lemonade balanced and room enough for you to keep a safe distance from any stray volleyball or frisbee.

2. Race Golf Carts - Granted they aren't very fast, but there's something about the combination of no seat belts, doors, or any general safety features that make the golf cart oddly exciting.

3. Sled - Because of the rolling hills and open spaces this is actually a much safer alternative than trying to navigate an icy path through the forest behind your cabin. I've actually been sledding on a golf course and will use that as proof that one day golf courses will be open for other activities.

4. Enjoy an Afternoon in Row Boat - Picture it with me: after your picnic lunch you spend a few hours lazily rowing along a pristine lake with the British gentleman of your choice.*

*You can substitute a good book for a British gentleman, but if you had the choice I don't know why you choose a book, unless you wanted to read for a bit then take a nap. In which case I still suggest a British gentleman to man the oars and to make sure you don't bump into any wayward ducks.


5. Build a Sand Castle - It is a sad and honest fact that I have never built a sand castle. I don't live near the ocean and the sand at playgrounds is better suited for burying G.I. Joes than constructing a seaside palace. If only there was a place within 5 miles of my house where I could find giant holes filled of soft and manageable sand.