Wednesday, April 18, 2012

5 Things I'd Rather Do On A Golf Course Than Golf

Let's face it, golf courses are a giant waste of space. These wonderfully landscaped fields are only serving the needs of one portion of the population. The game of golf itself has been a source of stressful days, bad sunburns, and boring business deals for hundreds of years. It is time to claim these wide open spaces for more than a singular use. I therefore present the 5 things I'd rather do on a golf course than golf.

1. Go on a Picnic - I have yet to find a park as neatly kept as a golf course. Nicely manicured lawns, big shade trees, and the soft sound of a water fountain in the distance create the perfect atmosphere for an afternoon picnic. It is easy to find a flat surface to keep your lemonade balanced and room enough for you to keep a safe distance from any stray volleyball or frisbee.

2. Race Golf Carts - Granted they aren't very fast, but there's something about the combination of no seat belts, doors, or any general safety features that make the golf cart oddly exciting.

3. Sled - Because of the rolling hills and open spaces this is actually a much safer alternative than trying to navigate an icy path through the forest behind your cabin. I've actually been sledding on a golf course and will use that as proof that one day golf courses will be open for other activities.

4. Enjoy an Afternoon in Row Boat - Picture it with me: after your picnic lunch you spend a few hours lazily rowing along a pristine lake with the British gentleman of your choice.*

*You can substitute a good book for a British gentleman, but if you had the choice I don't know why you choose a book, unless you wanted to read for a bit then take a nap. In which case I still suggest a British gentleman to man the oars and to make sure you don't bump into any wayward ducks.

5. Build a Sand Castle - It is a sad and honest fact that I have never built a sand castle. I don't live near the ocean and the sand at playgrounds is better suited for burying G.I. Joes than constructing a seaside palace. If only there was a place within 5 miles of my house where I could find giant holes filled of soft and manageable sand.

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